I started this blog as a way to write down my thoughts and vent about my life in essence. However I am terrible at blogging. I have tried in the past to make it a habit, but sadly it hasn't stuck. I am not the best at making habits stick and when they do stick it is only after honestly a constant struggle to make them into habits. If you, whoever you are, have read my other posts you will know that I have anxiety. Well its not just anxiety, I have panic disorder saddled with low functioning anxiety. This means that I could go from one to a hundred in a manner of minutes for no reason whatsoever and be in a total panic with little to no help getting over it. In some cases the panic has been so severe that I have fainted from the hyperventilation. When you have high functioning anxiety means that you can function reasonably well without it impacting your life. Low functioning is about the opposite. As the years have gone on my anxiety has grown more and more severe, and it doesn't seem like it will ever get better.
The reason I bring this up in my "i suck and blogging post" is because when there are ten million other things that I worry about and feel like I can't control, it is extremely hard to overcome the anxiety and panic sometimes that comes with just sit down an write down my thoughts. This is often because I just don't know what said thoughts are when my brain is running a million miles a minute and I am just trying to keep a little semblance of control so that I can manage the daily stresses that i have.
It is truly a scary thing to admit that I am struggling to keep control over my life. When you struggle with daily tasks, adding "let's make this a habit!" is extremely hard to do. I don't even know how to blog really. People say its easy, hah! Yeah right. Anyways, this is just an update as to why I was good about posting and then I just vanished from the interwebs.
